I'm throwing out my paradigm.

it just doesn't work anymore.

y'know it never really did.

there were always gaps.

but it was easier with it--

than without.

comforting, if you will.

concrete is easier than abstract.

boxes easier than open space.

stereotyping than getting to know someone.

but i'm done.

i'm done trying to figure it out.

i'm done trying to classify.

i'm done trying to systematize and rationalize.

it has just been ridiculous.

and sometimes it's been my fault.

as a matter of fact i've blamed myself a lot of the time.

but this last time it wasn't--

at all.

it wasn't anybody's.

it just was. ridiculous.

there are no words.

no one has any.

with each time i tell the story,

i am greeted with silence.

a little bit of awe, a little bit of shock and whole lot of head shaking.

and with each bit of silence, i can't help but laugh.

whatever is going on here is way over my head.

i have two choices.

i can bemoan my life and blame myself.

or I can laugh and trust my Creator.

For the first time, I do laugh--

and not with a cynical edge,

but with true joy.

Because I asked for a crazy life and He gave it to me.

I wanted to trust Him and with each passing experience I do.

And I finally FINALLY have a small grasp, a glimpse into the eternal.

And I genuinely believe with just an ounce of my being that what's coming has got to be awesome.

i wrote this back in november at the end of my week of travel. just realized i never actually posted it.

There is nothing quite like sitting in a nearly empty airport with smooth jazz playing…

It’s a little bit like being frozen in time.

There is neither here nor there.

Just waiting.

Patiently.

What I love about traveling:

It gives perspective.

It satisfies that little monster that roams within my soul.

It used to be exciting sights and new smells and tastes.

It has increasingly become the enjoyment of good company and the simplicity of life.

I am blessed.

I am increasingly becoming convinced that home truly is where the heart is.

And my heart does not lie in one physical location--

But in many with many individuals.

I’ve never lived in St. Louis, but the people make me feel like its my home.

I only spent a few years in Michigan but the people there make it my refuge.

New Jersey has only known my face for 2 years, but the people there will always hold pieces of my heart.

I will never live in a location that fully satisfies.

I will always want more.

But I also am coming to trust that I can always go see a bit more with people that I love.

People aren’t going to leave me.

Friendships do become sweeter with time.

Distance creates depth in those that are worthwhile.

My heart is full…

And looking forward to next time.