and one of the clearest things came during a song in worship the other night. the word home was used in a song and it absolutely struck me upside the head. that is what i've been feeling all year and the reason it has been so daunting is because it is homesick for places that don't exist anymore. when a camper is homesick, you have the ultimate comfort of knowing that in 6 days they will be back where they came from and not homesick anymore. but when you can't go back home, where do you go? what do you do? so i've been praying for Jesus to take me home--wherever that may be. b.c while i'd love to travel the world and do lots of exciting things for years on end, i don't have a home base to return to. i don't have any security or stability except in my friends. while i love my family, i've realized they've never really been my security/stability. its more like they've always thrown it off. and if i don't have the security/stability to return to, i will continue feeling like this until i let Jesus take me home aka lead me where He wants me to be and trust that it will provide stability in the way i need it. it was only during college that i really found that security. before that i didn't even think it was possible. now i realize its possible and i struggle with thinking God just wanted to tease me and taunt me. i'm trying to trust that he will provide me with a home...a permanent home in some way shape or form and that i will not feel homesick for the rest of my life.
amen.
