i've found a job opening....
and it seems to be a combination of everything that i know and love--
youth, outdoors, arts, urban culture, helping others.

yet i hesitate to write this cover letter.
b.c i know if i write the right things, i could really get this job.
and i'm not quite sure that i'm ready to commit to that.

it's funny how once you find what you really want, you become afraid to commit to it. or at least i do.

i have a feeling i'll be the same way when it comes to getting married--if i ever get married. it's kind of been moved lower on the list. it's not exactly of high priority on people's lists out here and the longer you spend out here, the more that makes you just think, oh i guess it can be put off. where in the midwest everybody freaks out by the time they're 25 if they don't have a significant other b.c if it hasn't happened yet well then by golly its never going to happen. and maybe it won't. but that's as much in God's hands as everything else in my life.

but i will write that cover letter by Sept. 7: the deadline. and you know what? i probably won't even get an interview for the job. and all of this fretting will have been for naught.