there's something about space that i am learning.
not physical space, of which i have greatly lacked in the past.
but mental/emotional space.

there's something about a person who doesn't give space that causes me to clench on the inside. i wonder if its something connected to maturity--or personality. that they always must make themselves known. why? why do you need to make yourself known?
if i'm not answering, shouldn't that be enough of a clue?

it's rooted in something much deeper than just the words.
and it's something i've encountered before. a lot.
b.c my openness lends me to be taken advantage of, in this respect.

the need to be known is in all of us.
it is meant to drive us to our Creator, the only one who can truly know us.
when that need is not fulfilled in Him, we take from others in desperation.
those who are more open and honest in their desperation make us cringe. because we think we're better than them, and yet it is the very things that we hate in others that we truly hate in ourselves. their desperation is a mirror for our own souls. and we shirk back, appalled.

i've been getting more annoyed lately with people. some has to do with my level of exhaustion. but more it has to do with the mirror that is being held in my face persistently as i let people in my life. see the thing is...when you've lived alone and worked a job that largely puts you around children...you forget how messy adults are. we're really all children on the inside, but its those of us who refuse to acknowledge this that makes life difficult for the rest of us. because in refusing to acknowledge, we put on layers, hiding who we really are instead of being honest.

why can't we just be honest? with each other as much as with ourselves.