life has caught up with me.

and i haven't much to write about.

correction: i haven't much energy to write with.

but my life hasn't been this calm in quite awhile.

i think i'm still recovering from the last year or so.

i still marvel that i don't arrive home completely exhausted and drained every night.

i'm transitioning out of survival mode.

and entering people mode.

which is actually just as draining but in a different way.

i'm not used to having people this involved in my life.

it's been awhile. actually i'm not sure when it's ever been to this extent.

i've always had 'other' things to do to serve as a buffer.

this job doesn't really serve as a buffer at all.

as a matter of fact it puts me right in the middle of it even more.

i've found myself becoming more cynical already. less grateful.

i've no doubt God has me where i am for a very good reason. but it's not really about my job at all. and that's fine. it doesn't need to be. but it does mean i have to be much more conscious about my attitude towards my job. and watch my tongue. check my attitude.

i can't decide if my lack of motivation in certain areas such as my living situation post-June and my future education are because i'm becoming lazy or just letting down my guard. either way, i'm not feeling it. though i am getting a bit more concerned about the living situation as the drive becomes more and more tedious.

this is my life now. a stable job. a stable living situation. people involved in my life.

a year ago i never would've imagined it turning out like this.