i hate dentists

nothing like a dentist appointment to put one in a sour mood.
I left my dentist with the information that I have 13....count them...13 cavities.
Now granted I have not been to the dentist in over a year...but its still been less than 2 years....
13?
really?
my other dentist never called anything he filled before even cavities and that was only 2...just weak enamel. i think this one might be a bit overambitious. And all of this...with no dental insurance.
now my parents are very gracious people and loving parents and that's why I went to the dentist in the first place, because they said they were willing to pay for it. And now, if they choose to get it all done eventually, they will be about $3500 poorer because of it. hopefully not all right now...in installments of course. never mind how my mouth will feel. i should get dental insurance asap.
it was a depressing reality check for me, and not just because I need to start flossing more regularly.
how in the world am I supposed to make this work? this being life...the simple practicalities.
a job, health insurance, dental insurance, car insurance, housing, food, clothing. its enough to make a person's head spin and wonder how in the world do you even tackle that pile? my situation at camp right now is perfect in regards to all of those things, minus the dental insurance. its a job that provides health insurance and free housing and food and enough money to cover the details. but I want more.
I'm not talking about finding the dream job. I'm just talking about finding a job and life of my own. I feel like I'm finally ready. I don't want to make a ton of money. money can't fix everything.
[I already knew my teeth were screwed up and somebody already spent six years trying to fix them and they're still messed up and they are only going to deteriorate more. let's face it. unless we're under 18, our bodies are all deteriorating as we speak, no matter what we do to counter it. I already know my body is screwed up. I have an anxiety problem that is probably destroying my stomach and not much that I can do about it.]
money can't fix any of that stuff and I'm really trying to learn that money and job isn't security and this is one of those moments where God is testing me. I feel absolutely awful to make them spend that much money on my stupid teeth which apparently I do an awful job of taking care of as well. And if I didn't feel so good about having decided to go to Paris, it would make me feel awful about spending money on that whole adventure. and how horribly inpractical it could have been. but Paris taught me a few invaluable things.
Paris showed me that I can be on my own, that I want to be on my own, that I long to be on my own, and maybe it means I will end up spending the rest of my life on my own and that's ok. Not lonely there's a distinction, just on my own. I will still have friends. but I fell in love with the absolute freedom I had in Paris. not only because it was a city and I could go anywhere whenever I wanted but because I was free to choose. I was free to set my own responsibilities. but today I realized with that freedom comes great personal responsibility in those practical matters of life. and that responsibility is large enough to make me question whether I can make it work. it scares me.
BUT I was incredibly scared of Paris and loved it.
I have found that the things I am most afraid of doing (besides heights and zip lines and roller coasters..those kinds of things) are the things that I end up loving the most. I was scared to death to stay at camp this summer because I was aware of how many circumstances could have gone awry and it is that very awareness that makes me incredibly grateful that I walked away feeling as if I did my best, still made friends, loved the kids, and didn't walk away bitter.
I am scared to move out on my own but I want it more than anything else right now.
And that will become evident in my search because as we all know, unless I really really want something, well it just doesn't happen.