full circle

summer is ending and i'm realizing how full circle my life has truly come.

i discovered on facebook last night that my ex-fiance is now engaged again. it's been three years. good for him. and that chapter in my life is officially closed.

i have also discovered in the last few days that i have yet again been unsuccessful in breaking my summer camp crush tradition, though i did manage most of the summer to not let this happen. i have let a guy get too close. i guess i always gravitate towards one male or another during the summer. i even tried really hard this summer not to but its hard when one actively pursues you. i only had friendship in mind and it worked really well. i honestly can say i was not 'on the prowl'. but this last week something has changed and i screwed up/i'm screwed yet again. its not too close for him, this time...but too close for me b.c he can't/won't follow through. just like my other experiences. i'm learning though b.c there isn't any expectation at all of follow through this time. and i'm learning that i will speak my mind to preserve my dignity. i've refrained in the past b.c i've wanted them to be men and own up to it. but this time i don't care. i will say something and promptly...just to give me some freedom. life has come full circle yet again.