many things..

many things on my mind and i'm going to try to write about them in an abstract sort of way...
after all that's how i think about things.
i think that's why things become so complicated in my head. when you abstract something it immediately becomes both more simple and complex at the same time. simple because you are taking a step back, making a generalization but complex because you are taking something out of context and detaching yourself from the particular, the immediate reality and theories are never absolute, complete.

side note: I'm realizing that I am a teacher. I took it for granted b.c I've always been in school its an environment that teaching is welcome in many different ways. I love being taught as much as I love teaching. I don't enjoy the sound of my own voice. I don't want to brainwash people, but I love helping people understand things and I love sharing ideas. my limitation: I don't want to be taken too seriously. I've seen that go haywire. I don't want people to change their lives because of any one thing I've said. That kind of power scares me. I only want people to think well for themselves, ie teaching a man how to fish instead of just giving him fish.

I'm listening to a podcast from Mars Hill as I type this...

i'm at a crossroads, a crossroads that have been a long time in coming. it involves all aspects of my life but manifests itself primarily in my relationships, as always. I may find energy from my inner sanctuary but my life will always be first and foremost evaluated by my relationships. I think the last four months have been preparing me for this and God is pulling me out of the darkness into His glorious light. Things are changing drastically, especially relationships in a good way, a wonderful way and I've been afraid that they would do the opposite and so have been extremely guarded in the last four months. I have a choice to make, a choice though that doesn't feel so much a choice as a need to take the different path and the freedom that comes with it makes it seem an absolute necessity. I am cautious though to believe it. It makes very little sense with the past but that may be a very good thing. Letting go and moving on. Letting go and going deeper. I guess we'll see