kinda thought i'd left it behind.
as i listen to Rent. sigh. gets me every time.
funny how i always think that when i move somewhere new and start over with people who don't know me that i can leave these behind.
that my essence will change.
but it hasn't.
i ooze something i can't control.
when i talk in class or in a serious conversation with my friends, i sometimes have a slight out-of-body experience. i hear what i'm saying and i think i am certifiably insane. my mind is in an entirely different space than anyone else in this room. where in the world does this come from?
where does this urge to sit down with people and say tell me something true, tell me something real come from? why does Rent still resonate so deeply? why is Halloween my favorite song on that soundtrack--the most angry intense song? why do i love authors like madeleine l'engle and annie dillard and anne lamott who most people have never heard of, let alone understand or appreciate? possibly even consider them heretics?
why do i have these great urges to go do something raw and random?
to wrench the absolute essence of life?
where does all of this come?
who am i?
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