i was discussing with a good friend the existential-ness of european films and how he doesn't like it when things don't resolve....

since college philosophy classes (and a few key broken relationships) i've always had a certain fascination with movies/books/art that reflect the existential philosophy. not always for the best. but there nonetheless. friends have even influenced me in their recommendations of what is 'good'. and postmodern art. and my general inability to hold conclusive, real relationships for long periods of time, particularly with guys.

i have been so driven by this irresolution in my life that pervades existentialism, and our culture in general. its been a thought process or i'd go so far as to even say, a belief, that i have not been willing to surrender/deny. and most christians i've encountered would not confront it either. they see the emptiness around them. how can they deny it? what we see is truth, after all. the movies, the books, the art, and ultimately the philosophy are the newest discovery, the latest phenomenon, the mood/temperature of our culture.

and who are we to deny this 'progress'?

because progress is always good. of course.

having now been away from the intellectual/philosophical community for a few years, the hopelessness has faded into the background of just surviving real life. i've had to lean upon my Lord in ways i've never been stretched to do thus far in my life. and i've seen His Faithfulness. i've seen His Resolution. in my life. now.

i used to treat the existential philosophy as the explanation for how the world looks without God and it is easy to understand within that context. it was eye opening for me as it is for anyone when they first explore philosophy. i wanted to experience emotionally how it feels for those without God so that i could relate, yet never forsake Him in the process. as an artist, i want to experience the very depths and as well as the heights of all human experience. it is the explorer in me. but somewhere in there, i began to see my own life through that lens and i've never been quite able to shake it. largely because the hopelessness of the reality that i see has taught me thus far that there is little, if any resolution. i've not seen very many happy endings.

christian circles further emphasize it by cheapening Him and our need for faith. we look at our lives and see so little resolution, stuck within habits and lifestyles that destroy our very souls but seem perfectly natural in culture (materialism, consumerism, tv, internet, etc) and accept it as our lot. this is what God has ordained for me on this side of Heaven. there can't possibly be more than this. so we ignore.

but this is where the artist in me has called me to something greater. despite what i see around me every day. despite the brokenness i have experienced firsthand. despite the mood of our entire culture. something within me craves that resolution, His Resolution. and that is the role of the artist in Creation. we bear witness to the ails of our culture and call it into question. we demand something more. postmodern art/philosophy/literature calls God into question, denying His Existence, demanding another solution. and while i have practically lived my life thus far with a belief in God and a relationship with Him, that has always hung over my head. because they are bearing witness to what they see. all they see is brokenness.

....so when i responded to his thoughts with well that's real life (with a tone implicating that what else do you expect), he astutely questioned: there's no resolution in life? (with a tone that said do you really believe that?)

in that question, it clicked. the existential mindset, while relevant for understanding those who choose to ignore God and all that He is working daily in this world, it is not the whole picture, something that my artistic soul has been longing to hear/understand/grasp for years.

there is resolution.

there are happy endings.

God is working.