eager expectation with hope

i need to write something--
but i'm too tired.
i need to make sense/put something down in carbon
but i've been dragged through a ringer.

life requires that we process what has happened to us--
or so our generation says.
sometimes i wonder if the silence to which the previous generations adhered wasn't such a bad idea.

not that i talk.
no i just think.
and i'm exhausted.

i have thought about more things in the last 2 months living alone than i have ever in my entire life.
no joke.

it is good.
it is necessary.
it is healing.
but it also leaves one feeling incredibly exhausted, wondering why. because after all, what have i done but sit.

i like being alone. alone with my thoughts. alone with myself. even if i don't always spend it well. i don't write enough. i don't paint enough. i don't pray enough. it will never been enough. yet i still wait in eager expectation with hope.

hope that some day
it will bring peace.