i feel like i'm encountering the same things and thereby, in danger of feeling the same things.
and so in hopes of not feeling the same things because i'm tired of this stage/cycle, i just avoid.

not the people or the situations--just the feelings.
after all, how many times can a person get frustrated and feel hollow inside because of their lack of direction?
i really attempt to avoid it at all costs, trust me. i hate feeling this way as much as you hate listening to it.
i try to abide in Christ and trust His plan. and so often, my emotions stay in line.
but right here, right now it doesn't do anything for the frustration that seethes beneath the surface.
i don't trust. plain and simple.
it's not that my life sucks. it's actually quite alright.
which is why this hollow feeling inside my chest just doesn't quite make sense.
and bothers me so much.
i have a stable, pretty enjoyable living situation.
i have many good friends.
i have a stable albeit directionless job.
my finances are in good standing.
my health is good, i'm even taking time to get in shape.
i have many art projects and ideas started.

yet this frustration from somewhere is boiling over.
and here i am puzzled, trying to understand what i lack.
there's something God is asking of me. i don't know what it is.
and i'm too afraid to ask.

something deep, that will take much time to uncover.
the task seems never ending and insurmountable.
i spend an hour or two and feel like i've not even begun.
i tire easily and distract myself.
give me strength to rest.