so i'm noticing a trend in conversations with my friends . . .
girl friends that is . . .

we all seem to have experienced similar conversations with guys--
almost like they were reading off of the same script.
and i've heard it indirectly more than once before.

at least it clarifies and reinforces for me that what was said wasn't as a result of something i did wrong. or because i'm ugly. or too emotional. or not enough. or--well, you get the point. though that is incredibly difficult not to do.

but it is discouraging.

what does it take for a guy to unravel himself from his own insecurities so he can see someone on the other side?
it'd be nice to not hear for once:
you deserve someone better.
or i have issues to work on.
or you don't want to deal with this.

dear Lord do you think i do this for kicks?
do you really?
do you think i put myself out there just to have you run away?
because i think you should know that i don't just throw myself out there. i don't pull this kinda thing. my instinct always says i'd rather be without--even when my heart says otherwise.

besides, do you think i'm looking for a perfect man?
do you really?
because i'm not.
i'm just looking for one who loves me in my mess and allows me to love him in his.

why is that so hard to find?