I finally get my moment of silence…
And I can’t stand it.
The growling in my stomach might have something to do with it.
But I know it’s more than that.

Doesn’t matter how you put it
I’m left behind
With shadows of dashed possibilities

Ever the dreamer
Left high and dry
Yet again.

Not by choice
But by circumstance
Like someone is laughing
At my expense.

I delve deep
Drudging up old fears and insecurities
Only to beat them into submission.

Will I ever learn?
But I have.
Even if it can be hard to see.

For as much as I try,
I can’t deny a redemption that isn’t my own,
Even when it feels like life has cheated me.
For there is faith in a plan bigger than ourselves.

Guess what?
For once it isn’t my own doing
--or undoing.
And there is so much hope in that as well.

That maybe….
Just maybe…..
I’m a little bit closer than I was before.

God, how persistent can I be?
Seriously.
I should be giving up right about now.
No.
I should have given up years ago.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m just a glutton for punishment.
After all, how many shots does a girl really get?
Especially when so many are my own destructive acts of rebellion.
And then when one comes along who is actually good…
The wind rips it away.

But something other than myself
Doesn’t let me stay there.
Someone greater than myself gives me hope
When I really should have absolutely none.
And for that I am eternally grateful.