i feel like a schizophrenic.

i'm surrounded by all these people, what i have been craving for so long.

i've made a choice to commit, to being in one place.

i have friends, real friends, of a larger number and wider variety than ever before.

the sheer amount of people in my life, both near and far who truly understand me and care about me is absolutely mind blowing.

and i want to run away.

i want to run far, far away.

the pieces are starting to fall into place and i am curled up in a ball, waiting for the ceiling to fall.

all my built-in protection is gone. no distance to keep people at arms' length. no all consuming job to take up all my time. no plans of leaving to warn people i'm only temporary.

now what?

these were all things i have felt extremely convicted about in the last few months. things i knew that God was asking me to get rid of, to leave myself open to what He wants for me. and now i'm here. and i feel naked. i want to run and hide. i want to disappear for a week or two.

and yet i can't stand to be alone.

see? i'm schizophrenic.