i think i go on writing binges...

after waking to this

i drove home in the dark through the neighborhoods of west orange and happened upon the most spectacular view of new york city metro area, driving down a steep neighborhood street facing east. what is normally blocked by green foliage suddenly, now in late fall, shows a clear view of everything from west orange new jersey to the new york city skyline. i wish i'd had a good enough camera to capture it. it took me completely by surprise.

and still leaves me breathless.

i was so taken by it that though i kept driving home, i am still drawn to driving back to that exact spot to sit on the sidewalk and stare. maybe i will. if not tonight, then tomorrow. its as if a trance has been placed upon me. and i wonder at the absolute craziness that i should be able to witness a black bear cub and the above scenic view and the new york city skyline and everything in between within the span of 12 hours. i am completely struck by how much i love where i live. maybe not the actual location of maplewood nj on the edge of irvington, nj (where they say the crime of newark is being pushed to) but the 2 hour radius from said place. while i can't say that i absolute love new york city, the view it gave me tonight was beyond description. and while newark is the armpit of the armpit of the nation, i found myself pacing its streets the other afternoon, finding bits of beauty amidst the utter awkwardness of being a white chic walking down broad street. (that's not something that words will ever master, only experience) even better, it takes an hour for me to drive to the delaware water gap and the appalacian trail, relatively in the middle of nowhere, where new york city light pollution no longer interferes with the stars. and finally south, an area that i don't particularly love for any reason except the people.

i think i'll miss living here. i've taken advantage of the location. i love the small town of maplewood with all its facades of innocence, which don't really fool me because i've seen real small town innocence. but i like their efforts, as only wealth can try in vain to create a bubble of safety. and its all going to change in two weeks. that's right. two weeks. my whole life will change in two weeks.

ok not my whole life.

the people won't change.

thank God.

but the scenery will. and i'm an aesthetic.

i get attached to both the ugly and the beautiful around me.