a belief of mine is about to be challenged.

actually it already is being challenged.

and whatever happens in this situation--

it will be changed because of it.

me and relationships--

very practical. incredibly logical.

they take work, intentionality, and they aren't always fun.

as a matter of fact, having fun is well, a bonus--not expected, especially not right away.

i have lots of people in my life that i have worked hard with which to build relationships.

most of all i know i'm not going to like them all of the time. period.

i know i'm going to want to run away and try the next new adventure.

But God keeps me grounded because people are in my life for a reason--though i don't always entirely know why.

now translate that to a romantic relationship, combine it with my disdain for romanticism and idealization, and you can see a very practical belief forming. a belief in a whole lotta work with no heart behind it. i have been saturated with the idea that romantic love is anything but infatuation and hormones. That is what I have soaked in from my culture, quite unknowingly. But instead of taking their route of short term physical relationships with very little hope of commitment, i've resigned myself to the idea of a committed relationship full of a whole lotta work and very little heart. Because that idea leads to the belief that love between a husband and wife isn't any different than love between friends! yeesh. that's scary.

and depressing.

and why the hell would i want any of that?!

so as i realize that, i'm going to take a leap here and make a stand. while i don't believe in the romantic love that our culture portrays (and i will continue to disdain it for the lies that it tells), i do believe romantic love exists. Though i'll be honest, i'm not entirely sure what healthy romantic love looks like. but i think i'm finally willing to give it a try. . . .